It comes in pieces, like hearing the melody of a song you barely know, or a waft of the exact blend of candle wax and flowers from the church you married in, a bite of some forgotten flavor that carries with it somehow the warmth of the sun on your shoulders and the last peal of laughter from a long lunch years ago.
Have you ever had the feeling that you are coming back to yourself, though to be truthful you had not known you were away? That sense of, "Ah, yes, this is me." The me underneath the bills and mopping and baby weight and political news, the one who leaned forward in college in passionate conversation, who read long and laughed long and listened long. Her.
She has slipped back into my skin these last days. It has not all been easy or pleasant, for she brings with her the memories of why some prickly relationships are prickly, why some sins that seem persistent have their roots deep in the past, why life is messy.
But on the whole, gloriously messy. Take her subtle return for instance. She glimmered around the edges of a ranging and wandering and wonderful conversation with a precious
friend. She waited around the edges of an art fair, her idealism and hope blessed the eco-changes we are making in our little home. She rustled in the pages of an absorbing book over the weekend. She settled like the blanket of lessening heat at an outdoor concert, wrapping the dulcimer and guitar and banjo, and the four year old who listened raptly. She wore red on Pentecost, she rose to say, "I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth. . ."
Stress or worry or just the round of life can dull our senses and cause us to forget our essences. Only God, Who made us in His image, could create such a variety of mysteries and marvels, wrapped in skin and set to spin on this green and blue ball of a planet. To connect with that real one He made is to live out the unique journey He authors.
So today is about the smell of homemade bread, pasting paper to paper, drying towels on the line and kissing boy cheeks and ruffling boy hair. CD changer loaded with dusty Cd's, a barely-diminished stack of books and a needle threaded to finish a present. What are the things that take you back to yourself?
3 comments:
Harvesting herbs, planting flowers and perennials, having a regular quiet time and journaling about what I learn from the Word, exercising regularly, having a long talk with my husband, enjoying an evening of "porch time" with all my boys, hiking in the mountains, knitting, planning menus and cooking delicious, beautiful meals, baking bread...
Thanks for a lovely post that captures that feeling of "I'm back" that I think many of us feel from time to time.
Gosh I don't know. Motherhood demands a new me. The old me loved to spend literally days and days alone, reading, sleeping and not speaking to anyone. I sure could use a vacation from my sweet jabber talker. Sigh
Music can certainly take you back. I adore dulcimer and banjo music. It reaches deep into my soul and pulls at the strings of what I wish I could have been or want to be. Have you ever seen the movie Songcatcher?
hi again, "remember me?" i know you understand why i've been mia. this was a beautiful post and it was wonderful to be surprised and honored by the mention.
i just redeemed my mother's day present from my dh which was the purchase of a new stash of panties. his original present was a pedicure, but i realized i rather replace my crusty maternity underwear w/something a bit more pretty. have you done this lately? finding my new size was a little painful, but finding the new designs was not... anyway, i feel more me in my fun, funky, pretty, and still very functional panties! ;)
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