It has been a lonely year. That is a hard thing for me to write. In a way it feels ungrateful. This year has been a catalogue of answered prayers, from John's job to the move into our beloved home, from photography and art and a return of creative energy, to closer proximity to the mountains and streams we love.
But with the move, with the shift in our lives to the northern part of the county, relationships have shifted and changed, and all but ended. As a one-driver family, we soon discovered we needed to find a church closer to our new home, if we were to be truly involved in the way we would like. And meeting other people has been slow. And my girlfriend-loving heart has been lonely. I have felt forgotten by old friends and shy of new ones.
It is hard for me, in such a time, to leave the gate open, to risk knowing and being known, to risk being disappointed and overlooked. I've been hurt and mad, and felt discarded. So I draw back farther. . .
This morning we returned for the second time to a church nearby. And in that cosy hour, I could hear the latch loosening, the hinges creaking, as friendly people greeted us, as we heard corporately the good news of forgiveness and grace, as we were invited to return. My heart could open here, I thought. Perhaps this is the place. . .
We don't know yet for sure. But I felt hope today, and it was nice to feel something other than a cool breeze where it fluttered.
7 comments:
Hello Missy. Found you through Lisa Samson's blog. What a lovely blog you have. Your pictures are just beautiful and your writing evokes much emotion.
I just wanted to tell you I can really relate to what you are going through in changing churches. I have been there. I hope you find your new church family soon.
Hello Missy. Thank you for sharing so beautifully - with words, images and pictures. I got your link from Lisa Samson's website, and have bookmarked it, visiting time to time for that little bit of 'soul food' that connects us to our Creator and others. Thank you for giving the rest of us opportunity to see the world a little bit differently because of your creativity.
One year ago I had a shift in my life - I left a job and ministry that I absolutely loved in order to stay at home and raise my beautiful baby girl. It's been a year of adjustments and I can relate to your descriptions. Yet, the Lord has been so gracious. Ever so slowly, as my heart and His workings allow, He is blessing me with new friendships and opportunities to serve Him. I adore having the option of being at home full-time, and my husband is a gracious supporter of this decision, and yet some of the changes have taken a long time to settle in :).
I hope the coming year will bring many suprising connections and blessings for you too. Keep us posted!
Missy,
Your words echo my own feelings this past year....a move, a change of lifestyle, seeking a new church...all leave empty, raw places.
Your blog is very beautiful. I hope you will find a warm community online to help fill some of those lonely places.
Only by mercy,
Tonia
Oh, Missy, how I know all too well that desire to feel at home in a new church. I will pray for you and your family and for God's leading. And His perfect timing.
Missy, I came to your site via Lisa Samson's blog... the images you hae captured and shared take my breath away. And the way you work with words -- they are as lovely as your photographs. Thanks for sharing your heart... I pray that God will open the new doors widely and soon for you as you settle into your new surroundings... and, here, in cyberspace, I think you have the start of a new place for friendships of a different kind.... I know I'll be back to visit again soon.
Missy, your pictures, your words, *you*, make me want to be brave, push the gate open tentatively, and step inside with a wee hello.
It is good to be here.....
All is grace,
Ann
Missy, I hear you. I'm there too, maybe we can encourage each other to keep our gates open.
It is terribly hard when sometimes they are shut in our face, isn't it.
I'll never shut the gate on you, dear one.
:)
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